I have been using CBD, high CBD and THC products as a believer for the last 5-6 months (can’t quite remember…is that a side effect? Anyway…) It has changed my life in some remarkable ways. I’m a better dad because I’m able to take the time to observe the beautiful and magical world my five year old son and seven year old daughter live in. I feel like I am able to steward my relationship with these little wonderful gifts that God has entrusted me with. It has allowed me to be a better husband because I can curb my emotions (especially anger) and express my needs and communicate in a way where my intentions and motives are soaked in love and tenderness I’ve always felt for her and have allowed my negative emotins to suffocate.
I’m an artist and highly emotional person. I’m a 4w5 on the enneagram if that means anything to anyone and we feel deeply about mostly everything because our intelligence center or the way we process and filter life is through our heart and emotions. Depression, anxiety which sprouts up in anger and sometimes ( I’m ashamed to say) rage have been manifested for many years in my marriage. This year has been the first year where my wife notices the difference. I’m more open to her and I am able to see her and connect with her so much more deeply.
Emotionally and Mentally, this is the best season I’ve had in a very very very (you get the picture) long time. And I owe it to this cannabis. It does come with some conflict.
I’ve been in ministry for almost two decades and in vocational ministry for a decade. Before finding christian cannabis, I felt alone, guilty and under a cloud of condemnation (sounds like an infomercial now). Some of this is very hard to reconcile. I use flower, tinctures, edibles, vapes balms. ( i guess I dove off the deep end). When I ask God what He feels about it I get mixed signals. On one side I feel the peace and freedom and a sense of permission and the other hand I feel guilt and condemnation. It’s hard at times. Some days I have peace and other times I’m conflicted. My wife doesn’t understand it. She tolerates it mainly because she enjoys this version of me. She sees me as softer and much more able to manage my “wild side.”
I’ve had a past of drug abuse before I had my born again encounter with Jesus almost 20 years ago. It has not tempted me to go back to the hard drugs I used to do. It has even helped me with lust and porn because once again it creates more space between me and my choices so I’ve been able to make healthy choices.
When I came upon this website I got so emotional because Craig put in words what I’ve been feeling when it comes to the benefits of cannabis. I think it’s always going to come down to the heart. I do admit that when I sensed the freedom and permission to do cannabis ( I wasn’t struck by lightning) I dove head first into high CBD and thc products and I’m aware how it can be a problem. But at 40 years old, as compared to when I was a teenager, my motive for using cannabis is much much different and I think that determines the basis on where I stand in my journey. I want to continue being the best daddy, and husband and friend, brother, son (you know the rest) I can be. And I feel cannabis allows me to be the best version of myself in the most respective relationships. For those who are wondering why I just don’t pray for God to make me the all of the above…I’ve prayed for years and I can’t ignore the idea that this might be an answer to all those prayers.